Sitting on the dock of the bay, watching my fear roll away

As I sit here this morning, drinking my coffee with my dog lying next to me and my spouse sitting across from me, I can't help but feel a deep sense of gratitude. Six years ago, I was sitting in a broken-down truck, desperate for drugs. I hadn't showered in over a week and was wearing the same clothes for the third day in a row. Dope sick, throwing up, and crying, I wondered how I had ended up at rock bottom. Being called stupid and worthless by the supposed love of my life, all because I couldn't find drugs.

The life I have today isn't due to luck. It took hard work to get here. I went to rehab and found a mentor who helped me work through my problems. They say that when you stop using drugs, you revert to the age you started. For me, that was 15. At 30, I didn't know how to live like a "normal" person. I was starting from scratch. The first thing I needed to do was join support groups—rooms filled with people like me. People who were where I was, ready to offer advice and guidance.

I went through the books and did all the work assigned to me. At the time, I thought it was all ridiculous and stupid, but I did it anyway. Now, I am so glad I did. What seemed pointless then helps me every single day now. Positive affirmations play a huge part in my morning routine. I repeat them to myself in the mirror every morning. It took a long time to believe them, and sometimes I still struggle, but the consistency of hearing them from myself every day is immensely helpful. I didn’t trust anyone, so when people told me I was worth it and that I was a good person, I didn’t believe them. "Yeah right," I thought, "what do you know about me and my life?"

It turns out, they knew a lot more than I could have imagined. Finding someone who has been where you are to help guide you is crucial to healing. Whether you are healing from childhood trauma, addiction, abuse, or relationships, it doesn’t matter. Find someone, even if that person isn’t me. Support is a rock to stand on when you feel like you’re about to be swept away in the river of despair.

We all have to start somewhere. If you are looking for help, I encourage you to hire me for three sessions. You may feel like I am bullshitting you, or that I don't know anything about you and your life and you are right. That is why I am here to listen and learn so that I can help you through the things that I had to realize myself. If I am not the person for you, well then I can refer you to someone else. Just give it a shot, what have you got to lose?