Grief

Grief is an unavoidable and intense experience. When my grandpa died, it felt like my entire world was crashing down. I was overwhelmed with sorrow and felt like things would never be the same, and indeed, they wouldn’t be. What took me a long time to realize is that it’s okay for things to change. Losing someone you care deeply for alters your life, and that’s a natural response to profound loss.

My grandfather was the closest person in my life. From my earliest memories, it was always him and me. We did everything together – feeding ducks at our favorite pond, working in his garden, and riding the elephants at the fair. He was like a father to me, and he was my everything.

When someone dies, they’re truly gone. There are no more conversations, visits, or shared moments. When my grandfather was in the ICU for a month before his death, I stayed by his side day and night, ignoring work and visiting hours. I wanted to be there if he woke up, confused about where he was.

But he didn’t wake up. He was in a drug-induced coma, and when we decided to let him go, they woke him up to say goodbye. They told me not to touch him, but I didn’t care. I crawled into his bed, and as he stroked my hair, I cried into his shoulder, begging him not to die on my birthday, which was just four days away. He promised me, but it was time to say goodbye.

Our family gathered in his room, holding hands as the nurse turned off the machine. Overwhelmed, I had to leave the room. A minute later, my cousin came out and whispered, "He’s gone." I broke down completely. This was two days before my birthday.

I believe my grandfather waited for me to leave the room before he passed. He knew it would be too much for me to handle if he died while I was there. Why else would he pass the moment I walked out? Even in death, he was looking out for me.

My grandfather loved me so much that he waited until I left the room to leave this world. Sometimes, he visits me in my dreams, always reassuring me with his presence. I believe that when we dream of our loved ones, they’re letting us know it’s okay to move forward from grief. They wouldn’t want us to dwell on their absence, and these dreams are their way of saying it’s alright to continue living and find acceptance.

Whatever you believe is what works for you. I choose to believe my grandpa watches over me; you may choose to believe something different, and that’s perfectly okay. We all grieve in our own way, and whatever method helps us move forward and continue living is the right way to grieve.